I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
