I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
