So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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