remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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