My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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