What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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