I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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