I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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