I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
