First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
