I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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