What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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