Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
