it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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