He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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