if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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