Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ladies don't puke and tell
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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