This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
