Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
