Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
