Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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