Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
