a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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