I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
