how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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