RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize