I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
