I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
