but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize