new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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