Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
