and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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