You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I need to calm my uterus...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
