im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You have to summon your inner elephant
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
