Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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