3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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