oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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