stop calling my apartment porn island.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
