Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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