And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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