I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
