Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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