I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
