but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
two words: eviction party
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
