i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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