i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
