giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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