Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize