why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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