Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
