Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
