I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
