By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would photoshop your dick
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize