You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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