Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
