I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
