I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
