Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
