I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
