Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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