hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
