Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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