Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
