Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I've blown a few things in my day
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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